From the recording Head's UP! For '53...Here Comes 3 Blue Teardrops
This song was written after Randy Sabo and Dave Sisson were arrested for papering Three Blue Teardrop's gig flyers on a Chicago Transit Authority (CTA) wall with wallpaper paste on top of 17,000 other already existing event fliers as every band did back in the day. The two were charged with "Destruction of Private Property" and "Trespassing Maliciously" or "Criminal Trespass" or "Trespassing with intent to commit crime" or some such nonsense.
Lyrics
Men make laws, I pay no mind
'cos I live my life by petty crime
I do what I want and not what I'm told
it's a choice God gave to every man
It's a choice I've made by which I'll stand
Stand by with every fiber of my soul
I'm an honest crook I earn my cash
I don't hurt no one and the pain don't last
and insurance covers most everything I'll steal
I'm not ashamed, I could be worse
Like a creepy slimy sex pervert
or a politician or a crackerjack lawyer
and when I'm doin' time for petty crime I'll eat 3 square meals a day
and I'll feel just fine doin' petty time, I'll feel important like the Governor on a state paid holiday
I got a stolen car with stolen tags
and stolen spinner chrome wheel mags
I'm a moving violation from hell
and I lost my license years ago
when I first learned how to break the law
in earnest my career began well
Possession, arson, larceny,
auto theft, mail fraud, perjury
a failure to pay taxes at all
Destruction of private property
Trespassing maliciously
and a trump charge aggravated assault
And when I'm doin' time for petty crime I'll get a new tattoo every day
I'll lift weights and play chess and try to improve myself until I'm lean and mean and clean and free and STANDING IN YOUR WAY!
All the boys in Cell Block 9 are servin' time for petty crime
in a think tank, a trade school, a knowledge pool of criminality
See Dick learn to pick the locks, watch Dick plan to rob Fort Knox
And while away the days 'til the parole board sets him FREE
Well there are men who work all day
and Friday come they drink their pay
from the youngest buds to the men of older season
but when I make my mark in life's big book
people will stop and take a look
my colors will fall beyond the lines of reason
and when I'm doin' time for petty crime I will watch TV all day
On Oprah and Phil I will get my fill until the board of corrections...sends me on my way
sends me on my way....